I Don't Get Much of My Prayers

By: Rev. Daniel Berrigan , S.J.

I happen to be reading a few months ago about one of his book on " Short Sermons and Penance".
I thought of sharing this here through his words.


The title of this talk is in itself one of the most important that's ever come into your home. There are few people anywhere on the earth today, I suspect, who don't have a small suspicion locked up in a corner of their heart, a suspicion which they show to no one- suspicion which they don't even like to admit is there. It's something like that famous skeleton in the closet; It rattles away quietly in the darkness, it's very well locked, it hasn't seen the light of the day in many years; But it's there none the less. Perhaps in this talk we can at least take a peak at it. At any rate, Lets try to put a name to it. I would call this particular skeleton something like this: SUSPICION of GOD.

SUSPICION OF GOD: By that I mean,people aren't quite entirely convinced, that He's on their side. Life has not gone entirely well for the them. Somewhere along that process we call living,something has gone slightly awry; Childhood was well and goodm and youth had great ideas,great plans, but then there was the settling into life,the putting of one's shoulder to the wheel, and ,inevitably , the real thing was different from the dream. There was sickness , there were marriage troubles,there were fears,and memories of mistakes, and failures of those we loved and trusted, there was poverty without end, or prosperity that brought us no peace.
And there was maybe most humiliating of all , the the failures of one's self, the failures that hurt most,that were the least excusable, that changed things most further worst, And so on and so on, In Sum, God no one's side. God,who was ble to hear someone else - He turned aside, He refused , He had bigger concerns for other people, for larger is issues ; in any case , the Life HE has written for ourselves, and so it stands today, and we ask what was the use; the of so much prayer, so many tears, perhaps; even now and then, what the use of living....

So We set up the problem in our own hearts of it, Where no one hears of it, where it is close to us as we are to ourselves, and where , like the skeleton in the closet, it has somet ime to be opened and faced. Is God really on our side, Is HE for us, is HE really good, Is HE good for us?

Lets put the question again....IS GOD REALLY ON OUR SIDE? Maybe in that very question, and in the way we put it, the beginning of an answer lies. I mean something like this. Suppose my right hand had the power of talking back to me. And
suppose my right hand one day said, suddenly: " Look , i've spent some forty or fifty years serving someone else, Ive typed papers and cooked and washed dishes and brought home the groceries and dressed and steerred the car, Now, I am sick of it....
I'm seriously wondering if he's on my side; I'm thinking of going off on my own."
Well, ridiculous isn't it? The hands are our servants, they belong to us, they have no other job than to do our will, they only make sense because they are in our charge, and serve us...

Now let's look at our own question: I wonder if God is on my side...Isn't there something absurd, a little bit foolish , out of order, about a question that tries to line GOD up to do what we want , like another hand, another paid servant.

I'd like to rephrase our question a bit; and in the new question , perhaps we'll be somewhat closer to an answer. We'll no longer ask.
" I wonder if God's on my side." BUT -- " I wonder if I'm ON God's side?" I wonder if i'm doing HIS will, I wonder if I'm always careful to read EVENTS rightly, and suffering rightly, and setbacks and disappointments; to see them tagged with His will. I wonder if I ever pray in such a way that I 'm trying to step up to God's throne and order him down into my place. because that after all would not be prayer but sin. I wonder if I do not sometimes pray in such a way that I try to blackmail God. I wonder if I do not sometimes look on life as though time were eternity,as though my family, my peace, my security, my respectability, my good health , my future, were all of the here and now, and in the meantime, God can wait, heaven can wait.

What we forget is, that is very hard and austere thing to be a Christian, That God will literally have no mercy on a soul that chooses His GIFTS instead of himself. that God will allow us every human suffering to keep us from making our hearts into the trash barrels , filled with all the dirt and distraction and gadgets of this world. Sometimes, in a word, God's best mercy is to have no mercy on us.

My thoughts....

I have been pretty much guity of a lot of things. As i began my quest some years ago, I happen to be overwhelmed with God's blessings and the mere presence of his face in every success i had. But what happened when things aren't as sweet as it was before?.... What happen when things had been so difficult that even praying was even difficult to do? This is such a broad topic to talk about ...but i am so sure that something is happening here... Something is changing. One is Growth. No matter how we see it , we can't stay immature in faith. We need to learn something throught time and God is just so mysterious that we would be so tiny to understand his own will no matter how we try and even spend the rest of our days sulking and crying. We make our own miseries you know ....and God loves us no matter what, but we need to be patient and we need to realize which side are we really on. It is such a strong phrase when Fr. Berrigan said : We only love the gifts and blessings that God gives us rather than God himself, and when things are not favored or when things are against us, we question God and we send him our resentments. WE lose faith.
Up to this day, I would never perfectly have understood his will , at some point of my life, I have learned to recognize the gap of intelligence toward my pride and the wisdom of my Lord. and then suddenly , i stop fighting anymore and begin to rest. It is so hard sometimes to say, "Thy will be done", when there is so much emotions battling inside you. But to be honest, WE got no choice but to be obedient because God knows best even if it isnt the way we plan our lives to be. One can be honest by admitting that God doesnt really give us what we want but he gives us what we need at the moment.
Also Fr. Berrigan had strongly described the very truth intended for the society of today.. "Sometimes, in a word, God's best mercy is to have no mercy on us. " Tough love as we describe it. God is so stern that he wants us to repent and see the consequences of our actions. That he gives mercy to those who have a repentant heart, but to those who haven't humbled themselves, then HE can not prevent the consequences of lack of obedience and faith. It isn't about punishment, no. It is about humbling ourselves to see the truth He laid out through Jesus. To those who believe then it would be easier to enter because they have been purified through the inspiration of the blood on the cross, but to those who defy, it is going to be a tougher ride of undending loneliness. This isnt a punishment, it is categorizing the levels of one's heart and where your choices are. Can you imagine heaven with all these greedy creatures? It woudn't be a very good sight..struggles will still be around if these 2 species would still be in heaven. It won't be too peaceful then and im sure...that ain't heaven yet. So you see, lie or not. Good and bad couldnt be mixed up nor can live together. With or without God there will always be an occasion to suffer. With or without GOD people will die one day but where , how and where do you hang on your love for?
A person knows he has a soul therefore God gives a big deal about you and your prayers.

Next topic would be..." ADMONITION OF PRAYER" by : Rev. Eugene P. Murphy . SJ.