Lasting Friendship.

On my journeys to the unknown , I know I was meant for something. Still discovering it while it continues to unfold the mystery but i am slowly peeking in. It is hard sometimes to understand and when your faith is struggling.

The truth is out but somehow it is so hard to believe when nothing seems to work out. The rain keeps on pouring without resting.
There were questions as to "why DO you allow this to happen ? Haven't I loved enough?" and all other questions in my mind and heart. A courage I have to muster and DARED asked them all.

"I am human and very limited , rescue me!, if there is really YOU who they claim to be mighty and all loving"
I weeped and weeped until not a tear was left inside and and bit by bit I drifted to slumber,deep, deep and gone.

Our lives are full of uncertainties but you can't say " you can't" or you can't be all involved" hiding yourself from people neither over exposing your presence just to cover up the void and the fear of loneliness.

We need to accept that solitude is a blessing too and somewhere along that experience we also began to seek the feeling of being wanted and being accepted for what we really are , and for what we are not. We need to connect as well as to disconnect in order to give us time and space to be empty and continue to unload, ( or as they say "to reformat", NOT becoming full of ourselves. To renew "US" that only when we are happy with ourselves then we become better companions to others.

But at times, Fear creeps in and we become confuse, withdrawn and worst , we become indifferent. The fear of getting hurt ... while we love...
Feeling and thinking too much, But this is how we are. Very human. So imperfect and always in search.

I often wonder now how I am able to carry my load. I just happen to know it in my heart that THESE doesn't come just from me but from the Higher spirit within myself whom I ALLOWED to enter into my soul. The friendship that I have always wanted. If I am able to nurture a deep friendship with my fellow human how much more with my creator. It is a process and its slow, for me to savor the sweetness of his LOVE. A pathway that I must follow so I wont forget.

In some years of wandering I can not see , I coudn't touch and the early formative years , I couldn't feel yet, but then my longing is stronger, WHO can I turn to? My deep longing was so intense that one day my soul was finally awake on my way there.....

Now I am starting to see God in all the beautiful good souls in my lifetime. I can now touch God through seeing and touching the faces of the people I love. I feel HIM every time I am being loved. Suffering will always be around but it isn't lingering feeling of doom anymore and it isn't as lonely as it use to be.

I got this friend already. :)

Life is still beautiful and God is within us. We all have to let him be with us even if he remains silent at times.
He wants us to seek more and crave for it and the union will be just sweet and lasting.

I am hopeful that he will put everything in place for me. I will continue the journey and the great friendship I cultivate until the day I part from this world.

God is amazing, HE waits til you let Him inside you. We give him full consent to move us, touch us and to love us. ALL we need to do is say, YES and he would take care of the rest.

God , I owe you everything. Thank you for the life, The friendship and for choosing me.


Night prayer:

My Friend and companion Jesus,
Teach me everyday to rely only to you and not on my earthly friends...
They too are limited and not perfect.
They have many things to deal with everyday and some of them are not ready to love me.
Teach and send me your grace to understand what i can not, seek your consolation in times of adversity and confusion.

May I be stronger not to fall for the snare of loneliness and greed.
Selfishness for my own benefits and paranoia for the sake of control.

I would never want to be separated from you, please remind me if I am beginning to digress, when i become complacent and when i become lazy.

May I see your the reality of your work and not to take them for granted just because it doesn't coincide with my plan and my taste.

Guide me kind divine spirit to discern and to love inspite of ...and when to LET GO.
2:am Sept.18.08